Horry Kow! Cubs Ban Fukudome Shirts

When I was at the Cubs game on Wednesday night, I noticed a few new items that the street vendors were selling. Many of these products had something to do with everyone's favorite new player, Kosuke Fukudome. My personal favorite is the headbands that you see many of the fans in the bleachers wearing, but I also noticed a shirt bearing this logo.

At the time I thought "wow, that's a little racist", but I kept walking and soon forgot about it. Apparently many Cubs fans are not as forgetful as I am, as the tefam was "inundated with e-mails from offended fans" concerning the shirt. Once the team noticed that the shirt was using a trademarked Cubs logo, they contacted the vendor and he quickly complied with their demands by ceasing production of the shirt.

So I'm sure there's many of you out there right now wondering what you're going to wear to the Cubs game to show your support for Fukudome now that the Cubs won't let you laugh at asian stereotypes. I would suggest, completely without shame, one of our FU FIGHTERS shirts.

Get it? Like the band? Come on, you know that puns are the most intelligent form of humor. And by most intelligent I mean that they take little or no effort to think of, which is smart in a twisted, backwards kind of way. Also, we have Kosuke's number on the back, in case you're too drunk to remember what that is (Hint: It's 1). If that color isn't your style though, we've also got them in Cubby Blue with both red or white lettering. Or in red with white lettering. If you want even more colors, heck just e-mail me and I'll make those too. Whatever suits your fancy. Just click on either of the images above to go to our store and pick out what you like. It's that simple. You'll be supporting Fukudome and fighting racism at the same time, and who can say no to that?

WELCOME BACK BASEBALL

First, let's get something out of the way. I've completely neglected this blog ever since the Fukudome signing. My bad. Let's just pretend that didn't happen. We're going to pick things up like we've been writing consistently since the end of last season.

Really all that's important is that Cubs baseball starts in an hour. Or maybe two, as it's raining here in Chicago at the moment. Dan Roan is talking to the Cubs chairman and seems to think there will be a dry window from 2-6 PM so we'll see if it can happen.

Pretty much everyone's focus is gonna be on Kosuke Fukudome and how he handles the big leagues. First, let's get the pronunciation correct. Say it with me everybody: Kos-kay Foo-Koo-Doh-May. Good. Now that you know how to pronounce it, you should check out the shirts we have in the shop on the right. If you're sitting in the right field bleachers this year you're going to want a FU FIGHTERS shirt, because who doesn't enjoy ripping off a popular band's name? They also have a number 1 on the back, so just in case you forget Kosuke's number you can ask the guy behind you to read your shirt.

Also, today marks the triumphant return of Kerry Wood as the closer who can't possibly be worse than our last one. Maybe. I guess the only way he'll be in the game is if we have a one or two run lead in the ninth, but I'm pretty confident that will happen.

I would be liveblogging this thing, but I have certain obligations I must attend to. I'll be checking in periodically though, so stick around, leave some comments, send me harassing emails, whatever floats your boat. I've got a good feeling about this season. Go Cubbies.

Big Z: "Not Everything is About Money"

Looking for the banned Fukudome shirt? Click Here.

Carlos Zambrano is a good pitcher. A great pitcher even. When he is on his game, he is probably one of, if not the best pitcher in baseball. Apparently Jim Hendry is in some dreamlike state where Zambrano is always on his game, as he just handed Big Z the most lucrative contract for a pitcher in all of baseball. $91.5 million over 5 years is a lot of money. Did you ever stop to wonder how much that comes out to per game, or even per inning? Well we made a shirt so you don't have to:

These numbers were meticulously calculated assuming 32 games and 215 innings per season. If he gets injured the numbers go up a lot. You thought Kerry Wood earning $13 million for rehabbing all year was bad? Then pray to whatever god you wish that Zambrano doesn't spend too much time chatting online over the next 5 years.

Neifi Perez Needs Serious Help

Looking for the banned Fukudome shirt? Click Here.

We all remember Neifi Perez. Mediocre utility infielder, terrible batter, and not exactly handsome. So when he was busted a month ago for stimulant use I thought he must have just been hanging out with the wrong crowd and had slipped up once, because there's no way that anything he was taking was enhancing his performance in any way. If you need drugs to put together a .172 batting average, you've got some issues.

As it turns out, you can add ridiculously dumb to that list of adjectives describing Neifi. Today Neifi became only the second player to be suspended for the use of stimulants, himself also being the first player to receive such a ban. This one is for 80 games, and picks up right where the last ban left off on Saturday.

I find it hard to believe that even Neifi would be dumb enough to keep taking stimulants after getting caught, so I came to the only logical conclusion: He was framed.

In order to right this terrible wrong I did what any self-respecting not-very-well-known sports blogger would do. I made a t-shirt. This shirt shows support for Neifi and his fight against injustice. By being suspended for the rest of the season the Tigers are able to avoid paying the last half of his $2.5 million contract, an enticing proposition considering his dismal stats. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that just maybe the manager slipped him a stimulant-infused smoothie. Three times. Also, I have a tendency to dislike anything Detroit related, so I simply want what's worst for them. In this case that would be having to pay Neifi the rest of his contract. Join me in this noble cause to clear Neifi's name and bring down the Tigers.