The Sexiest Man in Baseball has Retired, and No One Gives a Crap

That's right people, I'm talking about Todd Walker. We here at RTWF annointed him the sexiest man in baseball way back when (meaning almost a full two months ago). The Shreveport Times of all places has announced that, at least for the moment, Mr. Walker has hung up the cleats. The Shreveport Times??!? I know this guy wasn't exactly a legend, but he was a good ballplayer and a huge star in college. And I know you don't have to be a Cubs fan who is comfortable with his sexuality to realize that he was, in fact, the greatest Man's Man to ever play the game. Just look at this 5 o'clock beard he was always sporting.

Apparently there was an article out about 10 days ago saying that Walker wouldn't accept a minor league assignment and would probably just give it up if cut by the A's. But why wasn't I told when it happened? I didn't even hear about it until I read something over at Ladies..., which with all due respect to them is not where I expect to hear about one of the greats retiring. It's a shame that this hasn't gotten more attention.

Todd Walker was batting .271 when this atrocity occurred. I think the Cubs could use him to replace that Mark DeRosa fella, who's sitting pretty at .239. Come on Hendry. A man like this is exactly what this team needs to add some spark.

2007 Team Sexiness: A comparitive analysis

Winning aside, what is really important in the game of baseball?

Being sexy.

And historically, no matter whether we're winning or losing (or just flat out sucking), the Cubs have always led the league in looking great doing it.

Just look at what we've brought to the plate (...ahem) over the years:

Now that is a mustache. Great work Billy, way to represent.

However, after the transactions by the front office this last off-season, at least this Cubs fan is feeling like management has begun to lose touch with the foundations of sex appeal and overall manliness that this team has built its reputation on.

Let's recap some of the new faces that are breaking camp this weekend:







Jason Marquis. Ex-Cardinal. Figures.









Juan Mateo.









Ted Lilly. Honestly, does that look like a face worth $10 mil a year?









Ceasar Izturis.



Neal Cotts. Used to be on the White Sox. Really figures.


Alfonso Soriano.

I'll admit it, Fonzy is young and isn't bad looking. Out of all of the new guys, he by far has the most potential. I'm just saying, for all the money we're paying him to miff flies in center, he'd better live up to it.

There is one blatant conclusion that we can draw from all of this: Jim Hendry is not gay.

In fact, he might be quite the opposite, maybe to the extreme. How can anyone forget who he gave up last season.












Thats right. Todd Walker. Far and away the sexiest man in baseball.

And what did we get for him?

...

Jose Ceda. Now pitching in the farm system for us...in Idaho (we have a team in Idaho?)

Jose was too scared to even take a team photo, well aware that he can't live up to his side of the deal.

Shame on you, Jim.

But for all the poor decisions he made over the off season, Hendry made it all better by re-signing perhaps the best-looking of the players from last season's squad:











Thank God we have at least two more years of basking in the glorification of pure man that is Henry Blanco (with an option for 2009).


--rfs