Can't We Just Clone Zambrano Four Times?

Ok, so you've looked over the batting order for opening day and you're thinking to yourself "Wow, I'm impressed." As well you should be, the Cubs brought in some nice talent and resigned some key players over the offseason to make our lineup one of the most fearsome in baseball. But the Cubs have never really had problems scoring runs (last year doesn't count in my mind). Where we do usually have problems though, is with our pitching. Usually it's the bullpen that causes the headaches, but this year the rotation is taking the lead role in increasing aspirin sales. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

"RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRR"

Carlos Zambrano

• Salary: $12.4 million
• Key Stat: Every stat he has is impressive.
• Comments: Zambrano is the star of this team, Mark Prior be damned. The man is a workhorse, he piles on the innings, racks up the pitch counts, actually shows some emotion out there on the mound, and never gets injured. All of this is even more impressive when you realize that he plays for the Cubs. There were some tensions between him and the team this offseason, there still are, but he deserves every penny he makes. I'm not saying he deserves $18 million a year, but he definitely deserves at least as much as Zito is making. Zito is just overpaid.

"Wow I suck..."

Ted Lilly

• Salary: $9 million (includes $4 million signing bonus)
• Key Stat: Career 4.60 ERA, 59-58 W-L
• Comments: Come again? Our second starter is a career .500 pitcher with a 4.6 ERA? And we're paying him $40 million over 4 years? I'll have some of what Jim Hendry is smoking please. This is what Zambrano should have been using in his negotiations. "You only want to pay me $11 million this year and you're giving this puta $9 mil? ¿Estás loco?"

"Wow Ted Lilly sucks"

Jason Marquis

• Salary: $4.75 million
• Key Stat: Career 4.55 ERA, 56-52 W-L
• Comments: This makes two people that should be pissed off at how much Ted Lilly is making. Basically identical stats, Jason actually has the edge, and Lilly is raking in the dough. Lilly is averaging $3 million more a year over the length of his contract, and that's ridiculous. I know Marquis used to be a Cardinal, so by nature we start things off hating him, but that's in the past. He's a Cub now, and he deserves to be treated like one. Or maybe that has to wait until his initiation (when he breaks something).

"I look like I'm 14. WEEEEEE!!!"

Rich Hill

• Salary: $380,000
• Key Stat: 3-1 W-L with a 1.93 ERA in his last 6 starts last season
• Comments: Rich hill had a rocky start last year, let's be honest. But I'm all about giving people second chances. He tore up the mound in September, the guy was amazing. Made us forget all about the money we had sunk into Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. Why Lou feels like he deserves to be stuck in the fourth starting spot is beyond me. I have much more faith in this kid than in Lilly and Marquis combined.

"Kei....Jason....Rog...Keith....you're drunk. Gimme your keys."

Wade Miller

• Salary: $1.5 million (with lots of performance bonuses)
  
• Combined 31-12 record with a 3.45 ERA in 2001 and 2002
• Comments: If Wade Miller manages to start in at least 30 games and pitch 200 innings, he stands to make a cool $5.8 million instead of that 1.5 number. Kinda wish all pitching contracts were written like that, don't you? He's been very shaky the past three years and has spent a good portion of time rehabbing his right shoulder, but he's looked strong in spring training and we know he can be great. He just needs to bring the greatness back. I hope working for an extra $4.3 million will help him do that.

So there's the rotation, as initially set by Captain of the Sinking Ship Lou Piniella. It has its flaws, no doubt about that. If Mark Prior can toughen up a bit and somehow make it back, all we need is for Ted Lilly to suffer a Prior-esque injury and I think we'll be set. I still can't figure out why we're paying him that much.

Sometime tomorrow I'll discuss the bullpen, to be honest I haven't even looked at who Lou has chosen yet. It could get interesting. See you then.