Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Jacques Jones is Dead to Me

Look JJ, can I call you JJ? Is that okay? Because the whole french thing just isn't doing it for me, and I'm gonna assume that you don't approve of being called Jock. So JJ it is. Anyways, here's the deal JJ. I want to like you as a player, I really do. Then again, I also want to win the lottery, date Jessica Alba, and own a small island nation. Some things just weren't meant to be.

Ever since you first came to this historic ballclub in 2006 you've had some issues. First of all you called out the fans for booing you. I don't know where this idea came from that fans aren't supposed to care how well their team is playing and they should always cheer, even if their 50 bucks just went to waste to watch a crappy performance. I know you ended off the year well and you feel that your complaints were well-founded, but the fans weren't booing you at the end of the year. We were booing you when you were batting .219 through your first 21 games. And that was a vast improvement over the .091 you were sporting after your first 8. You were the first of the recent string of Cubs players who feel like the fans should happily accept someone getting paid millions who sucks at their job *cough* Big Z *cough*. And for that, I cannot like you.

And then there are nights like tonight. At first glance it looks like you had a good night, going 3-for-6 with a run. But you just can't pull through in the clutch. You're not the only one by far, the team left 15 men on base in this game and only scored 4 runs with 10 hits and 10 walks. But it seems like every time you come up to the plate when the game is on the line, I'm reaching for the OFF button on the remote before they throw you a pitch. Because I know what's going to happen. It is for this reason that my friends and I have dubbed you "The Human Rally Killer". And now, thanks to the magical powers of the internet and Wikipedia, the whole world shall know you by this name.

Hey, at least you'll be remembered for something. My best shot right now is "the guy who pretended that he got Wade Miller fired".