Jesus loves the Cubs. You should too.

Happy Easter everyone! And to those Cubs fans that are Jewish (I'm looking at you North Shore), hope you had a good Passover yesterday, eating kosher food, talking about Elijah and doing.....whatever it is you guys do. I know absolutely nothing about that holiday, sorry. Anyways, I was thinking today. About Jesus of course, he did die for your sins and all (mine too). If Jesus were alive today, he would be a baseball fan. Obviously, because baseball is America's pastime, and Jesus would have to be an American. But I have good reason to believe he would be a Cubs fan, and here's why:

• Jesus is all about forgiveness. The Cubs have not won a championship in 98 complete seasons. But all it takes is one spending spree by the Tribune Co., and it is all forgiven.
• Jesus is patient. The Cubs, as previously mentioned, haven't won in 98 years. Jesus hasn't come back to earth for 2000+. He obviously doesn't mind waiting for something that millions of people have been praying for for their entire lives.
  
• The colors on the Cubs jerseys are red, white, and blue. Jesus loves America, this is an established fact. Coincidence? You be the judge.
• Jesus thought it was important to love one another. You ever been in the bleachers past the seventh inning? Nothing but love out there man. It's hard not to love when you're so drunk you can't remember your gender.
• On that note, Jesus had nothing against alcohol. In fact he condoned it. He turned water into wine at a wedding. I'm sure he would have turned the water into beer, but that wasn't invented yet. And I don't think the people of that time would have survived if it was.
• When he was still walking the earth, Jesus was unappreciated by many of the people he came in contact with. Ron Santo is still unappreciated by over 25% of the Veteran's Committee. Both instances are a shame.
• Jesus understood that sacrifices must be made to atone for your transgressions. In Old Testament times, that sacrifice was a cow. Or a goat. In the New Testament, that was Jesus himself. In the Cubs era it's usually the current manager, be it Dusty Baker, Don Baylor, or Jim Riggleman. We've tried sacrificing goats too, but PETA always complains for some reason.
  
• And on a final note: Jesus took the time to break bread with the lepers, prostitutes, and sinners of this world. Three million Cubs fans paid an arm and a leg to watch a baseball team lose 96 games last year. I think that's something that Jesus would understand.

So just remember Cubbies, today you're not just playing for the team and the fans. You're playing for Jesus himself. And he died for your sins, so you better play like your life depends on it. Your eternal life.

Any more examples of why Jesus would be a Cubs fan are welcome in the comments.

Game summary sometime after the festivities have subsided.